• I’m Qiala, and I Almost Forgot My Own Name

    For years, I was “Mom” first. Always. My needs disappeared. My dreams went quiet. I became a woman I didn’t recognize—functioning on the outside, numb on the inside.
    This is the story of how I found my way back. And how you can too.

    The Moment Everything Changed

    You know that feeling when you’re going through the motions but not actually living? That was me for six years.

    I had a career. A family I loved. Responsibilities I handled. From the outside, I looked fine. But inside, I was trapped. Functioning on autopilot. Moving through my days like a ghost in my own life.

    The breaking point came on an ordinary Sunday.

    I’d just taken out my weave, washed my hair, and stood in front of my bathroom mirror with all my tools laid out—blow dryer, flat iron, products I’d used a thousand times. Everything I needed was right there.

    And I couldn’t pick up a single thing.

    For twenty minutes, I just stood there. Staring at my reflection. Hand hovering over the comb. Unable to move.

    Hair had always been my refuge. My creativity. My therapy. The thing that made me feel alive and capable. I’d been doing hair since I was a little girl—it was my art form, my constant.

    But that day, I walked away with soaking wet hair and sat on the couch. Just sat there. Deciding that even my own hair wasn’t worth my time anymore.

    That’s when I knew: I was completely gone.

    How I Got Here

    01

    I didn’t lose myself all at once. It happened slowly. Quietly. A little bit every day.
    I stopped doing the things I loved because there was no time. Then I stopped thinking about the things I loved because they felt too far away. Then I stopped remembering that I even had things I loved—because my entire identity had been absorbed by the roles I played.
    Mother. Wife. Employee. Household manager.

    02

    Somewhere in all that doing, all that giving, all that showing up for everyone else—I disappeared.
    I was the woman who could list everything my son was interested in but went completely blank when someone asked about me. The woman who gave 30-second answers when people asked how I was doing. The woman who was so burnt out that even when my son was talking directly to me, I couldn’t fully be present.

    03

    I loved my family fiercely. But I was so empty that there was nothing left for myself.
    And the worst part? I thought that’s what love looked like. I thought being a good mother meant erasing myself. That devotion required self-destruction.
    But that’s a lie.

    how I got Here

    The Journey Back

    Finding my way back wasn’t dramatic. There was no big life overhaul or reinvention.
    It was small. Intentional. Gentle.
    I started with 30 minutes a day. Just for me. Not for my son, not for my husband, not for work. For me.
    At first, the guilt was overwhelming. Every time I chose myself, a voice whispered that I was being selfish. That good mothers don’t do this. That I was failing.
    But I kept going anyway.

    I picked up painting again. Started singing. Discovered Pilates and fell in love with how it made me feel in my body again. I set boundaries at work—clocking out on time instead of working myself into the ground for a company that would replace me the second I left.
    I learned that reclaiming yourself doesn’t mean abandoning your family. It means refusing to abandon yourself for them.
    And slowly—so slowly—I came back.
    Not to who I was before kids. But to who I am now. Still a mother. Still a wife. But also me. Qiala. Not just “Mom.”

    Favorite TV Show

    Mother & Wife Raising a 12-year-old son Married over 10 years

    Favorite Drink

    From NYC to Georgia Brooklyn roots Southern living now

    Favorite Food

    Pilates in Progress Getting certified Falling in love with movement

    Favorite Animal

    Creative at Heart Painting and singing Reclaiming my art

    Favorite Book

    Career Woman Balancing work and becoming Proving you can have both

    Favorite Hobby

    Podcast Coming 2026 Still Becoming continues The conversation grows

    You’re Not Alone in This

    I’m building a community

    I’m building a community of mothers who are done disappearing. Women who are reclaiming themselves—imperfectly, honestly, gently.

    Here’s where to begin:

    Take The Quiz Buy Book Now

    Start where it feels safest.

    Follow along: Instagram & TikTok @qialapatrice

    Your rebirth matters. You matter. And I’m honored to walk this path with you.

    Still becoming,
    Qiala